DUE TO A CHANGE IN PRESSURE

BEST NEW PRODUCT

Out of LONDON

GasBGon

Editors note: we wouldn't have featured the following excerpts today were it not a problem that continues to plague humanity.


"There are 2 types of cushion, the GasBGon and the GasMedic. They both have washable covers, removable foam muffler and replaceable activated carbon filter. The GasBGon is the everyday version of the cushion for people with average levels of flatulence. GasMedic is the clinical version, with a much more powerful carbon filter

The cushions look and feel like any conventional seat cushion. What makes
them special is that they include a sound muffling foam element and a cutting
edge carbon filter to remove the odor."


Editors note: Cursory research for similar products resulted in more than 500 press releases published in the past two years that pushed products directly relating to farts. The below gives a delicious twist on the PR format by providing the details of innovation.

Out of HONOLULU

For Honolulu inventor Brian Conant, preparing for a chemical warfare simulation while a member of the National Guard led to a product that would dispel a different kind of gas - one far less lethal than soldiers would face from bioterrorists, but much more prevalent.

Conant is lactose intolerant and prone to passing gas at the most inopportune times. While suited up for a chemical warfare simulation he broke wind and noticed that no one could tell because there was no odor.

Conant decided to develop a small, thin pad made of the material developed for the British Chemical Defense Establishment that could be worn inside underwear to protect wearers from unleashing embarrassing odors on an unsuspecting public. The Flatulence Deodorizer(TM) was born.

Notes to editors:

On an average day most humans expel a total of about 200-2000 ml of gas on 7-15 occasions. Each episode varies in quantity, chemical make-up, and audibility and is influenced by many factors.

When flying flatulence can sometimes be more of a problem due to the change in pressure, as a result of the altitude.Sietsma Solutions Limited


BEST NEW TITLE

Out of NEW YORK

Jack Vink's new book, Banished to the Ribbons of Concrete, is an autobiographical account of being betrayed by his true love and peering into the deep, dark and demonic abyss of his own subconscious; "it is the story of a man named Jack who died, but is not yet buried."

Editors note: We don't think Jack intended to write a vampire book, but it is much better when read as if the protagonist is a vampire.