A STRONG BELIEF THAT EVIL EXISTS

BEST HEADLINE TO LAUNCH SUMMER SEASON
Out of CONIFER, Colo.

Eds. note: self-explanatory.

How Can Mankind Last with the Presence of Evil Nearby?

In every culture in our world, there is always a strong belief that evil exists and lurks around us waiting for a moment to strike and cause chaos. Humanity is always fragile and vulnerable to foreign influence, as such people will always end up struggling to resist temptation and live their respective lives to the best they can. But just how far will mankind last with evil plaguing in it? The answer is revealed in DARKWOOD, the compelling novel from veteran author J. Landon Ferguson.

SHELF-STABLE

BEST UNINTENTIONAL DESCRIPTION OF YOUR JOB

Out of SPARTA, Mich.

Old Orchard Introduces Antioxidant-Rich Juices At Low Price Point

Eds. Note: OK, maybe not your job, but we couldn't fail to notice that we, like antioxidant-rich 100 percent fruit juice, are also a marketable product with a brand that hit the shelves way too late and consequently have a low price point. We even give it away for free sometimes. (we also come in different sizes!)

Old Orchard Brands is adding to its inventory of healthy products with the roll out of premium, antioxidant-rich 100 percent fruit juice and fruit juice blends -- Pomegranate, Black Currant, and Black Currant/Pomegranate -- available in 64-ounce shelf-stable bottles at nearly half the price per ounce of the market leading producer of similar products.

INVESTORS WERE ALSO SHOCKED

BEST SUCCINCT HEADLINE

OUT OF NEW ORLEANS

ProQuest Shareholders Angered Over Pomeroy IT Solutions' CFO Betrayal

Eds. Note: First, we are impressed and surprised that somebody is working out of New Orleans. The location does help to explain the tone of the release. If you were working in the stenchy mess of a HAZMAT site, you may also find yourself finally having it up to here, snapping the camel, blowing your top, especially upon hearing of a financial restatement.

ProQuest Co. (NYSE: PQE) shareholders have filed suit against ProQuest and its former Chief Financial Officer, Kevin G. Gregory, following that company's recent announcement of a seven year financial restatement.

Remarkably, it appears that Pomeroy too now faces accounting related problems, and shares of Pomeroy IT Solutions lost 14 percent of their value Thursday after the technology company announced that its 2005 financials could not be filed even on time to meet an already extended filing deadline. Investors were also shocked to learn that Pomeroy may soon post its first annual loss since going public in 1992.

IT ONLY TAKES 30 SECONDS

BEST NEW REDNUNANT PRODUCT SOLUTION FOR A PROBLEM YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD

Out of JOENSUU, FINLAND and ATLANTA, GA

Eds. Note: Apparently, snatching up truckloads of cigarettes and avocados to sell at swap meets and freeway entrances in LA is just not done anymore. Here is a bit of software to protect info that is on the way to the dump, just in case somebody hijacks the driver to peruse all those hard drives. The real juicy stuff? emails like "where do you wanna get lunch?" or "Mike is a dick."

HEADLINE: Blancco - Stealth Cleaner Locks Up Data on Retired PCs for Good;
New Product Addresses the Security of Retired Computers During Transit

The most secure way to protect confidential information is to completely sanitize the drives before computers leave the company's premises or to encrypt all data. However, this is often not feasible as both are time consuming processes. The next best solution is to ensure that the data is not accessible during transit.
Blancco - Stealth Cleaner is designed especially to address this security issue.

WOW! MANY MANY MORE THINGS!

BEST NEWS IN FIVE YEARS

OUT OF CHATSWORTH, Calif.

HEADLINE: The New Energy Source for Humanity Is Discovered

Eds. note: The following short release will no doubt end all wars, aleviate most rage, and lead to a no prescription, no hassle, confidential "enlargment solution" that really works!

Gravitomatic, Inc. is happy to announce that our 5 years long research of gravity resulted in a breakthrough discovery of a new energy source for humanity. Our revolutionary technology generates heat from the energy of the gravitational field of our planet.

Cars, trucks, ships which do not need refueling, cleaner air in our cities and many, many more things, are becoming reality thanks to our discovery.
Effective immediately this revolutionary technology is available for licensing.
Please direct your inquiry to:

Gravitomatic, Inc.
PO Box 5357
Chatsworth, CA 91313-5357
Phone: (818) 206-8115
Email: Contact via

ARTIFICIAL LIFE LAUNCHES YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND

Despite editors var. continuing to sift and sort the daily press releases, they have been lax in updating the latest hottest news from the PR front. We apologize. The following inspired what we hope will become a new and improved year in the cubicle.

HEADLINE: Artificial Life, Inc. Launches V-boy Website

out of HONG KONG

Hong Kong based Artificial Life, Inc. (Pink Sheets:ALIF), a leading provider of award winning mobile technology and applications, today announced that it has launched a new website for its 3G product "V-boy(tm) -- your virtual boyfriend" at the following URL: www.virtual-boys.com.

Eds. note: this product is brilliant. You choose the boyfriend of your dreams from the profiles provided. Included is a venture capitalist, a dj, an actor, a chef, fireman and pilot. The more you play with your chosen boyfriend, the more he will reveal about his dreams, aspirations and desires. You download him into your cell and he is everywhere you need him. He can help you win prizes. He is hunky. And to answer the question on everybody's mind, yes, v-girl is quite a bit more, well, revealing.

THE END OF THE HUMAN RACE

BEST NEW TITLE

Out of PHILADELPHIA

HEADLINE: The End of the Human Race is Near -- New Book Sheds Light on Human Ex-tinction

Eds. Note: We let this text stand and call to you alone. No need for further comment.

Because of reasons like war, politics and greed, people are disregarded by the powerful who only seek to enrich and satisfy themselves above all others and this only leads to human rebellion and unrest, which only means more conflict.

We all know that sometime in the future, life and the world as we know it will finally come to an end. There are many factors that can lead to the end of life such as politics, civil unrest, pollution, abusive science, disregard, carelessness and war. The End Of This World: The Beginning of Another, the new book from author Bill Ciampitti, looks at the potential of the end of life and at what people can do to save the world.