PET-PARENTING GONE OVERBOARD

BEST NEW TITLE

Out of LOS ANGELES

Is Pet Ownership Destroying the Lives of Americans?;
New Book Exposes America's Dog Worship and its Serious Implications

Editors note: Editors var. are current and former dog owners and pet lovers but even as such can testify to the truth of dog ownership harming lives. However, after much discussion with valid examples (outfits, baby voice, sick days, ten thousand dollar operations) we can't actually determine that the lives of the individuals harmed by dog ownership would actually be rational even without their fidos. Upon adding this premise to the argument, Editors Var. find no harm to actual rational people.

Enlightening and provocative, Is Pet Ownership Destroying the Lives of Americans? is a work of advocacy focusing on dog owners and pet-parenting gone overboard. Her subject is timely and provocative. Her quotes are from publications which reflect the urgency of today's growing number of pet-parents who eat, sleep, and bathe with their dogs. She reveals that dog owners have crossed health boundaries through their obsession with their animals. She explains that dogs pose a serious threat not only to our health but to our children's health. They also harm our lifestyle as rational human beings.

BEST NEW PRODUCT TO DRIVER WILD

Out of WOLFEBORO FALLS, NH

"DRIVER WILD cologne and TEES perfume are the world's only cologne and perfume that do the talking for you. Each 3.4 oz. bottle has a silver or pink gold, electronic, talking golf ball recorder which allows a golfer to record and play 1,000 messages for your favorite playing partner...a real live message in a bottle."

Editors note: the following fragrance offering is from the makers of golf balls that glow in the dark. We have come up with a list of messages to record for those who find themselves at a loss for words when it comes to glowball romance:

You're not a gay are you?
Wanna make me dinner?
Do you like it different ways?

WHILE YOU ARE AWAY FROM YOUR COTTAGE

BEST NEW COTTAGE PROTECTOR

Editors note: Perhaps the Kanooks are catching up with the American fear factor. This product lets you turn on and off lights over the internet, which we personally have had an urge to do ourselves.

Out of VANCOUVER, BC

eHawk IntelliCottage: A cottage security, environmental monitoring and control system. While you are away from your cottage, vital signs such as temperature, flood and intrusion are monitored. In addition, remote control of heating, lights as well as camera(s) surveillance can be provided over the Internet and mobile phone network.

MORE SECURITY CONCERNS

Out of DEL MAR, Calif.

Editors note: we included this exerpt in today's roundup because we couldn't resist the phrasing. Favorites: "potential negative effects of prolonged exposure" and "advances have made issues more addressable."

Homeland Security Technology, Inc. to Market Disaster and Emergency Preparedness Kits

"Recent technological advances have made cold weather survival issues more addressable for far reaching military operations. Air Force pilots and crew along with other military operatives must anticipate the potential negative effects of prolonged exposure to harsh elements of nature. Whether it is the artic, jungle, mountain or desert environments, specific survival kits must be customized to meet the needs of individual survival. It is imperative that each service man with potential exposure to extreme elements has readily at their disposal a complete survival kit that could clearly mean the difference between survival or succumbing to the elements," concluded Colonel Powers.

WOMAN/PERSON FINALLY RECOGNIZED

BEST HEADLINE

Out of IRVINE, Calif.

Association for Women in Technology Recognizes Industry Professionals as "Woman/Person of The Month"

Editors note: Although this Orange County group certainly wouldn't welcome the similarity, the title is eerily reminiscent of Vaginal American.
Further, upon reading the press release with the above headline, E. Colleague has decided to switch from yearning to be "Director of Timing and Frequency" to being "Woman/Person."

BEST EVIDENCE OF ONLINE CHATTER FIGHTING EVIL

Out of NEW YORK

Online Word-of-Mouth Turned Controversial Trans Fats Lawsuit Against Kraft Into Major Food Industry PR Crisis

Editors note: Note the "influential participants" mentioned in the following excerpt. Editors var. are among that illustrious group, although the buzz we have been creating concerning the subversion of family values by the PR industry has yet to crest. We suspect that revolution will be televised.

"The controversy over trans fats is a seminal case of the dramatic role that online communities and their influential participants play during industry crises," said Jonathan Carson, president and CEO of BuzzMetrics. "Online word-of-mouth enabled a lawsuit against one company to shift into a major food-industry policy and public relations crisis, with erratic targeting of numerous other companies. Not surprisingly, much of the consumer-generated information and targeting was misinformed or false. It will be interesting to see what other companies will be drawn into the fray as the new trans fats lawsuit against McDonald's heats up."

CUTTING-EDGE NUTRACEUTICALS

MORE WILLPOWER OUT OF STURGIS

Out of SALT LAKE CITY

Editors note: The Sturgis Motorcycle Rally begins today, Aug. 16. Estimated attendance is near a half a million in a town with a population of less than six thousand, whose major industry is guns and ammo. While we are aware there are many a law abiding sturgeoneer, the following press release highlights one of the major interests of the rallyers, crank and crank like supplements. Coincidentally, methamphetimines also help curb your cravings for carbs.

Beneficial Holdings, Inc. (Pink Sheets:BFHJ) announced today that they have joined Hooters and local radio sponsors in co-sponsoring Kickdown at Sturgis.

Beneficial Holdings is a cutting-edge, nutraceutical company based in Salt Lake City, Utah that has developed several unique lines of dietary supplements marketed under the name of Beneficial Health Systems. Beneficial's current product lines can be viewed at www.WillpowerRX.com, www.EnjoyRX.com, www.EnduranceRX.com and www.HerbalMuscle.com.

* These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA.