CAPTURE CONSUMERS AT THE POINT OF PURCHASE

BEST NEW TITLE

An American Hero Loves America's Pastime -- Covert Agent Follows Dream to Play Baseball in New Novel (The Spy Who Loved Baseball)

Out of SARASOTA, Fla.

Billy and a secret team of agents make several covert trips into Cuba during the next six years to track Fidel Castro's revolutionary new government. All the while, he is consumed by his desire to play ball, and when he is not on assignment, takes every opportunity to try out for professional teams. His persistence pays off when he is signed to a minor league contract by the Boston Red Sox.


BEST MADE UP WORD

Editors note: apparently, if you say it twice, it's as good as printed in next year's American Heritage.

Out of CERRITOS, Calif.

Mass Connections distributed the chewing gum for the 5th Annual Dubble Bubble Bubble Blowing Contest, executing over 3,000 bubble blowing contests in Wal-Mart Stores across the U.S., all on the same day. "You and your team have made the entire Retailtainment event process 'turnkey' from planning through execution. In-store sampling and Retailtainment events are a great avenue to capture consumers at the point of purchase, generate excitement about the product, and influence their decision through sampling."

IN FOR A SHOCK

BEST HEADLINE/TITLE

Editors note: The following wins the rare best headline AND new title.

Out of BAKERSFIELD, Calif.

HEADLINE: If it Weren't for the Killer Bear

They say that before you die, or at least when you are staring death in the eye, your whole life passes before your eyes. In the case of Bob, the lead character in James O'Brien's new novel, Another Life, a cruel twist of fate took place, leaving his life forever changed.

blah blah blah...

Thanks to the reappearance of the killer bear, Bob's hunt for Karla takes on a new direction where he comes across something totally unexpected. His life changes anew in the wilderness and he finds another life where only despair had been.

ATTENTION TEXAS

Editors note: Many of you probably were of the same assumption as Editors Var. in believing that being of the western world, most state governments required licensing for dangerous work before today. Texas residents may want to reconsider their current wiring.

Out of HOUSTON

Anyone who works in the electrical trade in Texas without a license by September 1, 2004 could be in for a shock. September 1, 2004 marks the date that everyone who is engaged in regulated electrical work in Texas, both in the county and city, must be licensed.

DEVOTED TO THE CORPORATE

BEST PANDERING

Editors note: Today's release virtually sucks the dick of the marketing industry to pump their premier. We love it. Favorite words have been highlighted.

HEADLINE: Photo Release -- IDG'S CMO Magazine Reports the Untold Challenges, Evolving Pressures That Chief Marketing Officers Face;
New Magazine Delivers Intelligence to Rising, Yet Beleaguered CMOs

The magazine is devoted to the corporate officers who drive the American economy and are responsible for building brands, growing revenues, and courting consumer affinity. The magazine was created to provide CMOs with the information and ammunition they need to overcome the demanding challenges and mounting pressures they face in today's ultra-competitive, instantaneous marketing environment.

I GOT HERE. YOU CAN TOO!

CAN'T STAND IT ANY LONGER

Note from Editors: It is rare that we set a filter against a company or an individual who regularly publishes press releases, but the following crap can no longer be tolerated for the sole reason that they never bother to change even a single sentence, much less update material information. The only other companies this happens to are the boiler room stock hucksters out of (generally) Miami.

Out of NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. No longer

Berman Investment Group announced today that its founder Bruce A Berman's free break though money making book which is featured on Amazon.com (NASDAQ:AMZN) "I GOT HERE. YOU CAN TOO!" A Masters Course In Becoming A Millionaire(TM) and his "Making Money" CD is now available for free at www.BruceBerman.net (now and forever, FREE!slimy slinky oily)