Find Out If Your Man Is a King-Kong

Note from Editors Var.:  The current earnings cycle has produced another slow day on the wires. Not included but of note, sombody has received a patent for magnesuim. E. Colleague thinks this is impossible, how do you patent a mineral? Editor points to the evidence of "As a part of Crew's ambition of being vigilant in its efforts to fully explore the economic and operational potential within all our projects we are pleased to announce that Crew Gold Corp.'s wholly owned subsidiary Crew Minerals AS has received notification from the US Patent Office that its magnesium patent has been granted consent."
 
also,
 
HEADLINE: Women Across the Country Love the New King-Kong R&B/Pop Song;  Find Out If Your Man Is a King-Kong
 
"It's like a song in movie, or a movie in song. For the first time ever, a song fuses R&B with Pop music and special effects and gives birth to a ground breaking new sound. It's truly a sound that lyrically moves you and sonically shakes you! "
The song focuses on how men can sometimes be too demanding, too controlling, ignorant, and even unapproachable when needed. Thus, they earn themselves the infamous title -- Mr. King-Kong.
 
 

AN ELEMENT OF SURPRISE WITH A DASH OF HUMOR

Editors Var. cannot publish without the mention of today's visual delight spotted at Bush and Montgomery. A brand spanking new Mustang, black convertable with the top down (natch) was blasting Barry White's "Can't Get Enough of Your Love" while the driver, a chunky middle-aged caucasion bald guy sang and bopped along. Editor thought, "rock on," but Esteemed Colleague found the scene disgusting, citing the fact that the driver was not wearing a shirt.

BEST WAY TO GET RID OF THAT NASTY FACE

out of BOCA RATON, Fla.

Adsouth Partners, Inc. (OTCBB:ADPR) received CVS' $730,000 opening order for the entire line of Dermafresh products. The orders for Dermafresh Micro Derma Abrasion Kits, Dermafresh Facial Blankets, and our new Dermafresh Anti-Wrinkle and Firming Serum will begin shipping in August.

BEST REMINDER THAT CARNIVORE IS STILL LOOKING FOR YOU

out of CALVERTON, N.Y.

AdZone Research, Inc. (OTCBB:ADZR), a provider of Internet surveillance technology, reported today that its Chairman & CEO, Charles A. Cardona III, has issued the company's latest operational report to shareholders, following the filing of its 2004 fiscal year's Form 10-KSB. Note: only the good parts are included in the following.July 14, 2004
Dear Fellow Shareholders:
Significant restrictions prevent our discussing particulars of the contract. Nevertheless, I can definitively assure you our technology is being utilized at high levels of government intelligence efforts.
We hope you continue to share the journey with us as we grow both our commercial and defense sectors.

Sincerely,

Charles A. Cardona III
Chairman & CEO

BEST DUMB ARTISTIC EXPRESSION
out of VIENNA, Austria

Vienna-based artist, Claude Bossett, unveiled a tribute to the pixel for its 50th Birthday, titled "Pixel". The tribute takes the form of an acrylic painted 60 cm x 60 cm blue square on a 100 cm x 140 cm canvas. It is a "portrait" of a magnified pixel.
The magnification creates a sense of importance and offers an element of surprise with a dash of humor.

MOORE GOT IT WRONG: IT'S NOT THE PROFITS, IT'S THE CHRISTIAN COALITION proven the best to control the earth because of THE PROFITS

out of MINDEN, Nev.

Christian Times Today Sales Exceed Expectations Doubling First Quarter Results;
Major Ministry Partners and Leading Companies Produce 500,000 Special Edition Papers this Quarter

Concentrated Animal Feeding Operations

EDITOR NOTES: FOR THOSE WHO PERSIST IN COMMENTING ON THE SOMETIMES SLOPPY MISSPELLINGS FORCED SYNTAX OR OTHER "ERRORS" IN THIS GATHERING OF EVIDENCE, WE ALREADY HAVE ALL THE BITCH WE CAN EAT. Some of us have stuff to do, under deadlines no less.

I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS
out of SAN DIEGO --

San Diego Gas & Electric (SDG&E) joined with other California parties today in announcing that they have reached a settlement with Duke Energy Corp. and some of its affiliates that will provide refunds concerning Duke's energy charges during the California energy crisis of 2000-01.

SDG&E estimated that its customers' share of the settlement proceeds will be approximately $14 million. The California Public Utilities Commission (CPUC) will determine how the refund will be distributed to customers.

Esteemed Colleague received a check for .89 from a similar settlement. Editor remains hopeful, expecting much much more from an energy commission.

BEST NEW TITLE
out of COLLEGE PARK, Ga., -- The Other Side of Sadie

Born in Jamaica, Williams was raised by her grandmother after her mother died. At age 9, she moved in with her father and stepmother, a woman whose harsh discipline was difficult to bear. When her father died, Williams' life turned upside down. In her first major display of individuality and courage, she began earning money for herself and later ran away from her stepmother's home. She vividly describes the events of her young life, from her near-drowning at an abandoned harbor to the birth of a son after an unwelcome sexual encounter.

BEST PRODUCT NAME: ENVIROLIZER
as well as the "fastest way to cash flow"
out of MISSOULA, Mont.

Victor Industries has a patent pending product that absorbs ammonia, before it degrades to nitrates, and phosphates and then releases these nutrients on plant demand. The long term goal is to absorb nitrates and phosphates from CAFO's (Concentrated Animal Feeding Operations) such as super dairies, pig and chicken farms. Accomplishment of this goal would reduce the amount of pollution from two of the largest sources of nitrate and phosphate pollution, fertilizers and CAFO's. The Company has developed ENVIROLIZER(tm), which comes pre-charged with fertilizer as the fastest way to cash flow.

BEST FABULOUS OPPORTUNITY

out of FLORESVILLE, TX

Warranty Homes, Inc. announces a fabulous opportunity to "Win mortgage free the Dream Home Castle" by entering an awe-inspiring real estate essay contest. Three hundred dollars and the best written 80-word essay in English based on the theme "I would like to own this Dream Home Castle because..." is the asking price for the lavish million dollar home in San Antonio, Texas, named "The Heritage."

Ernie Oliphant stated that, "Warranty Homes, Inc., is holding this contest to help change the way a family can own their home 'mortgage free' and be able to afford the medical insurance, clothes, food, and education that life requires, making life a whole lot easier and happier and healthier for everyone."

The judges will select winning entries based upon imagination, creativity, and expression of thought, wit, positive social values, human interest, humor, and originality. Is this essay contest a Lottery or Raffle? NO, this essay contest is a contest of writing skill.

"WOW" what an explosive new concept to own a home mortgage free

(Editor: this text is not ammended in any way. No shit, somebody really wrote this, and we have the same feeling of illegality.)
http://www.realestatecontest.com/index.html.HEADLINE


BEST LIVING DEAD

out of ALAMEDA, CA

TALKING STORY -- Talk Story Before You Talk Tombstone

"With the news of the Talking Tombstone patent, you may want to think of a video record of your parents and grandparents before you or the family confront the Talking Tomb."

INTERPENETRATING LIVING MEAT

healing in plain sight
out of LA MIRADA, Calif.

"Robert Harry Hover's Internal Moving Healing Manual of Instruction: Stopping Your Pain & Other Unpleasant Things (now available through AuthorHouse) introduces healing techniques that he claims are inherent to every human being and "nature's best kept secrets hidden in plain sight."

According to Hover, people's physical and emotional ailments are accompanied by "faint matter interpenetrating (their) living meat." Internal Moving Healing Manual teaches readers how to combat this presence in their bodies by implementing skills they have had all along."

BROKEN CONFIDENCE
Esteemed Colleague is busy today incorporating successful strategies including:

+ Unyielding belief in your company, your products and yourself
+ Creativity to differentiate yourself from the competition
+ Sense of humor that builds deep rapport
+ Uncompromising personal values and ethics
+ Reliability, dependability, commitment to job
+ Relentless curiosity and desire to be informed
+ Passion and drive to excel and be the best
+ Ability to endear and maintain customer loyalty
+ Perpetual positive attitude and enthusiasm
+ Luck … good karma … the aura to make things happen

Special attention is being paid to perpetual positive attitude.

must have product
out of CLEARWATER, Fla.

The "MOSQUITO PROSHIELD(TM)" is a compact (11" x 14" x 12") effective patent-pending and proprietary delivery system that creates a 30' x 30' (approx.) "Bite-Free Zone" in your outdoor living space, through the use of new and innovative Scent Technology (non-toxic to humans and all natural repellent components) at a retail price of $149.99. Brought to us by Injecto-Matic systems International Inc. (Other OTC:IJMS)
MOSQUITO PRO SHIELD IS NOW AVAILABLE AT www.mosquitoproshield.com

THUMP! Look like a terminator (crossed with a fly) while providing the Melissa Etheridge soundtrack to your life. Must have for all your ten percent sisters!

out of FOOTHILL RANCH, Calif.
Oakley, Inc. (NYSE:OO) today announced the introduction of Thump(TM), the world's first performance eyewear combining patented optics with an internally integrated MP3 music player. Oakley will launch Thump(tm) in December for the 2004 holiday season under an exclusive distribution arrangement with Circuit City Stores, Inc. for the consumer electronics channel. Thump(r) will also be offered by Oakley's own O Stores, online at Oakley.com and through limited specialty retailers.


COMPANY WATCH
out of ATLANTA

Editor's note: boilerplate says it all

About Kingdom Ventures, Inc.

Kingdom Ventures, Inc. is a public company (OTCBB:KDMV) of media and products for the Christian marketplace. It consists of two operating units -- Kingdom Media Group and Kingdom Products Group. Christian Times Today(tm) is a part of the Kingdom Media Group, which also includes iExalt.com and iExaltMall.com. The Kingdom Products Group includes JoBasic, Yahwear Clothing and Mr. Roy Productions.
Christian Times Today(tm) (www.ChristianTimesToday.com) is a monthly newspaper that features news, information and special articles that offer a Christian voice to the times we live in.

MIKE DITKA TO RUN FOR ILLINOIS SENATEsee Americans for Better Choices

Editor's note: so far, everyone likes the Terminator.

SEXUALLY EXPLICIT RE:

The holiday week/end produced a very slow press release day. Editors also took advantage of the dearth by going to Montana to verify the sky was still big and to check rumors of continued small town decline. Small towns continue to decline, Wallmart, Costco and Fred Meyers in abundance, and Editors looked at each other and decided that we have nobody to blame but ourselves.

Upon return, Editors turned on each other regarding format. The outcome of the fight resulted in the following major changes:

1. Editor will now address Editor as Esteemed Colleague.
2. Esteemed Colleague will be in charge of daily title, with the concession of limiting input concerning headlines and commentary.
3. Esteemed Colleague will continue to use the left side of the office, but Editor will share the stapler each and every time it is necessary, without comment.
4. Coffee breaks will continue to be shared, but Esteemed Colleague will no longer wonder in the lunch room looking for free snacks.
5. Editor will no longer address Esteemed Colleague as shithead, idiot, or fatass.

Editors did not troll headlines today as a consequence of this reorganization but would like to recommend some photos of sidewalks found at http://ddtsanjoseave.blogspot.com/